i spent shabbos in paradise.
it was as though the world stood still and held its breath as i discovered the plane of existence covered in greenery, where not a hint of negative energy could prevail. I tried to understand why so many things that remind of me home only allowed me to feel as such on a subconscious level (i felt it enough to ignore kol isha), and realized it was because every positive experience at home is tinged with a multi-levelness that is never pure. There is always another side in my home, be it negative, sad, angry, depressed - perhaps it is healthy, perhaps not. In any case I have the constant reminder of a dark side and for one shabbos, just one, I was able to see a world where that is not so. Of course, I have my theories, but analyzing is not on my agenda this time. The purity of being there, the fact that weather itself stood still so that I was unhindered by a jacket - the whole thing was like floating on air.
for now, i have found paradise ...
it was as though the world stood still and held its breath as i discovered the plane of existence covered in greenery, where not a hint of negative energy could prevail. I tried to understand why so many things that remind of me home only allowed me to feel as such on a subconscious level (i felt it enough to ignore kol isha), and realized it was because every positive experience at home is tinged with a multi-levelness that is never pure. There is always another side in my home, be it negative, sad, angry, depressed - perhaps it is healthy, perhaps not. In any case I have the constant reminder of a dark side and for one shabbos, just one, I was able to see a world where that is not so. Of course, I have my theories, but analyzing is not on my agenda this time. The purity of being there, the fact that weather itself stood still so that I was unhindered by a jacket - the whole thing was like floating on air.
for now, i have found paradise ...
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